Wednesday, February 2, 2011

1st paragraph

           Kim carried her Juicy suitcase to her parents Honda. When she got a feeling that someone was watching her but she could not see who. But no one was there so she just ignored it. She was getting ready to go to her family's Cape house for summer vacation. Kim was even more excited to go to the Cape this year because it is her last year before high school.
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2 comments:

  1. JethroPFebruary 7, 2011 at 8:30 PM

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  2. JethroPFebruary 8, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    Maddy I really like how you described what type of car Kim's parents had. When I read the second sentence I kept wanting to read because I like that creepy-ish feeling in stories

    I think you should have wrote a little more to keep the reader hooked because I personally thought you would continue to add more suspense to after the second sentence.

    One of my questions are where does she live? You said she is going to her family's Cape Cod house and I was wondering where she originally lives.

    Also one more thing, instead of writing Cape you should put Cape Cod because people that aren't from New England I think won't know what the Cape is.

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